avatars

meher baba was jealous of lsd

because it could do in a few moments
what he had tricked his brain to do over the course of his own life
but who am i to judge
if a man becomes jealous of a drug
he is only human

and who cares where we find god
if he is in a pill or an abyss or an infinite light
I found my god in a pickle jar

i cannot fathom the concept
of a man wanting to be god
the power is appealing, yeah
but you are the one being
in charge of an awful world
like the manager of a dominos pizza

that is on fire
battling the flames with pasta sauce

smoking room

I am working the front desk at a 

budget motel in the throes of winter and
there is snow everywhere and a woman walks in
and asks for a room
being the face of a business
I oblige
I notice she is extremely pregnant
garishly pregnant
so pregnant it is almost like her uterus is bragging
waving it’s baby at other
more empty
uteri
in the general vicinity
and she is string thin
barely standing
even her jeans seem to have anemia
I am looking at her and knowing that everything is not all right and questioning my own compassion wondering how much should I care about this woman that obviously doesn’t
and I give her a room
and she goes “wait,
is this a smoking room?”
and I go “oh, I am sorry
I thought that since you are pregnant
you wouldn’t want to smoke”
and then she glared at me
like I was the idiot
have a smooth one on me, little man
I thought as I handed her the keys
it’s marlboro time

capitalism

at the grocery store

a man in front of me spends 200 dollars on groceries
that is almost four xbox games, i think

or twenty handles

of bottom shelf vodka

then i get nervous/anxious
thinking about the way i think about money
and consider starting a 401k
whatever that is

i read in a magazine
that the human brain doesn't handle
the concept of money
efficiently. that we imagine our finances
as an intangible number
and not as a series of products
or events
that can be bought.

not
what can i do with these

billions of dollars
but
i have a billion dollars
and that is more than a million
and that is a very good thing

like folklore dragons
we conspire with goblins
and horde treasure in caverns
because of kneejerk logic
in our meat brains

reading list

march 24. the insurgent - noah cicero
march 12. blood meridian - cormac mccarthy
march 9. only joking - jimmy carr & lucy greeves
march 3. the falling man  - don delillo
march 1. the tunnel - russell edson
feb 27. revolutionary road - richard yates
feb 23. the human war - noah cicero
feb 23. the condemned - noah cicero
feb 22. shoplifting from american apparell - tao lin
feb 20. sifting through the madness for the word, the line, the way - bukowski
feb 15. pale blue dot - carl sagan
feb 14. ten little indians - sherman alexie